Another Day in Hades

4:15 pm – We took cheesecake for Steve tonight.  Steve kept saying, “I’m trying with her.” And “She won’t.”.  'Her' and 'She' is Eve. I asked if he was trying to get her to take him and he nodded.  He ate most of the ravioli and potatoes but didn’t like the bread.  He really likes the fruit cocktail of all things.  He even eats the squishy grapes ... blah.   We brought him cheesecake again and he really enjoyed it.  He did ask for a beer.  (He does this every time we come.) 

We walked the halls and met up with Steve's ‘Spanish Beauty’ who sang to him twice.  She is a lovely woman who is in the long-term care wing.  She seems to be trying to make the most of what is her life but when you first look at her, before she has a chance to react, she looks sad and forlorn. She sings Spanish love songs and it is achingly beautiful.  We haven't seen anyone visiting her which makes me sad. 

This is a sad place.  It has little joy.  You can see the visitors trying but the smiles seem pasted on for the person they are visiting.  The moment their backs are turned you can see the sadness or sorrow on their faces.  Do I have this too?  I know I feel that way.

 

Don't Underestimate Me.

People who have dementia are NOT stupid or incapable of
clear thought.  They just may not be able to get it
out clearly enough for stupid people
who discount their worth
and what they can
contribute.
Love
all.

Let's Blow This Popsicle Stand

February 5, 2015 - 8:30 a.m. - Los Gatos

Steve and I are sitting in the common room: he just finished breakfast.

Steve:  Do you have a car?
Me:  Yes.  I brought the truck.
Steve:  Let's go!  I want to go home.
Me:  With me?  To my home?
Steve:  Of course.

You cannot tell me that he is incapable of free thought. 

Me:  I can't take you yet.
Steve:  She was here.
Me:  Eve?
Steve:  (annoyed) Who else?
Me:  (whispering in his ear) I know she is making you stay and I can't take you out.
Steve:  I know she put me here. She'll [have you] arrested.
Me:  Right.  I have to go.
Steve:  I can't go.
Me:  Right.  I'm so sorry.  I love you.
Steve:  Love you. Bob here at 12.
Me:  Yes.

He knows.  He understands.  How very painful for all of us.

I Miss You

We haven't gone a whole week in a very long time without seeing Steve. He has become part of my days.  I plan my week around when I will have him and what would like to do with me and what I have to get done.  Here is our typical day:

Monday

9:15 a.m. Pick Steve from home
10            Make ebilskivers for him and maybe bacon if he wants it. And tea.  Always tea.
10:30       Run errands such as drop off dry cleaning, get gas, run the truck through the carwash, etc
12:00       Lunch.  Steve likes Panera soup, Mexican chili rellenos, and Panini at home.
12:30 pm Steve typically takes a nap after lunch for about an hour and a half.
2:00         Pick up boys from HS.
3:00         Pick up Lauren from MS.
4:00         Snack time and watching tennis.  I get Steve chips or crackers and half a beer.
                Kids are running around and we go deliver them places or Steve just enjoys watching them.
6:00         Dinner.  I should note that Steve will ask for particular things and I try to accommodate his
                requests.  He loves grocery shopping with me and makes it a point to pick out exactly what
                he wants.
7:00         Enjoy family time.  Steve will kick the soccer ball around with Tylor and we will put on
                a Tony Bennett video or such.
8-9 pm    Bed time.  Jim will get Steve ready for bed by changing his clothes and pull up.  Steve will
                fall asleep really quickly.  We don't have to be really quiet but Connor has to close his door
                when he plays guitar.
Night       Steve has gotten up and done a refrigerator raid.  Or torn up paperwork.  Or put papers in
                the fridge or freezer.  We now know to put everything away and place those things he likes
                at eye level.
7:00 am   Steve wakes up and joins the family for tea and breakfast. 
                Jim will change and dress Steve and then we repeat the day with different errands.

Things take longer than they did before but in the grand scheme of things it has made me more patient and take my time shopping and such.